Yes, But Am I Really THAT Busy?

On the heels of my mentor Peleg Top's story about where creative answers come from, is a blog article called "Busyness Is Not a Virtue." While seemingly unrelated, boy are they! Ok universe, I hear you. I have put my listening ears on. And since I believe that you sometimes teach best what you most need to learn, I'll share this one with you.

In his story, Peleg reflects on how, by taking three months off, he shut off the "noise" in his life—the email, the social media, even the clients. 

"…how can we possibly hear what goes on inside of us if all we hear is noise from the outside?

"We live in a culture of constant noise and opinion. Everyone has something to say and something to sell. Next time you scroll down your Facebook wall or Twitter feed, notice all the noise. Most of what you'll see is people (or companies) sharing their opinion or promoting something. It's really all about them. Noise noise noise."

But if you slow down enough to create a quiet space between your ears, you'll hear what you've been trying to tell yourself for so long. Peleg suggests gifting yourself time and space for this quiet space to occur by taking a 30-minute walk; stay curious, and without expectations. Something wondrous may happen.

"Suddenly, a path may open. Slowly, ideas may spark. You may see something new in the situation or get an idea about a different approach to the problem. It may not be THE solution but you might get an idea about where to go to get the right answer. And sometimes, of course, the answer will blossom before you like the most beautiful spring flower, waiting for you to notice."

"Busyness Is Not a Virtue" rings true with a similar note. How many times have I personally answered the "How are you?" question with "Busy!"??! Oh dang—guilty as charged (hanging my head in shame), but not consciously! I am reminded that no one wants to hear this. Ever. And lamenting how busy you are doesn't accomplish anything. Nothing.

I wish I knew who wrote this, because he/she nailed it on the head, and I'd say a great big thank you. Here are the answers you're really giving when you say "I'm busy":

I matter. Being busy means I’m needed and significant in this great big universe. Though going around literally telling people, “I matter!” and expecting some sort of substantive conversation to result would be really weird, I’ll just say “I’m busy!” instead.

I am super-important. Doling out complaints and explanations about being too busy is the express line to a mini-ego trip. It’s going beyond “I matter” to “I matter … more than you” despite the fact that nobody ever wants to hear this.

I’m giving you an easy excuse. This is one of the easiest outs for stuff I don’t want to do. Alternatively, I’ve spent a lot of time being distracted or stuck, but this excuse allows me to feel okay with it.

I’m afraid. I keep relentlessly busy because I suffer from FOMO, or fear of missing out. I’m scared that I don’t matter, that I’m not important, that I’m not needed, so I’m going to spend my time on distracting stuff that doesn’t really matter, that’s not all that important, where I’m not actually needed.

I feel guilty. There’s fulfilling, meaningful stuff that I actually do want to do but I can rationalize it away instead of confronting challenges or changing direction. Alternatively, I think being busy is such a valuable quality that I’ll overbook myself to the point where I feel guilty for not getting to everything or for spending time on anything that doesn’t fit into a limited definition of “productive”.

The author goes on the mention one of the best books EVAR, The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster and Jules Feiffer. (This book has been around for 50 years--yes, it's that good.) 

While not consciously saying any of the above reasons, if that's what's coming across when I say "I'm busy," I am certainly going to change not only how I reply, but how "busy" I perceive myself to be. The article's author suggests doing an attention audit, tracking your computer time, and tracking how much you actually get done. The author quotes Laura Vanderkam:

Instead of saying "I don't have time" try saying "it's not a priority," and see how that feels. Often, that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to. But other things are harder. 

Try it: "I'm not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it's not a priority." "I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority." If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently.

Once these priorities have been made clear with the new language, the author recommends you "change your definition of 'productivity' to encompass those things." 

The author's advice to "Press pause," and "Do less and feel more joy," resonates with what Peleg said to create space. Both blog articles point out a whole lot of "me, me, me" going on. So many wise bits of advice here. Now to implement them! I think I'll go for a walk.

Thanks for reading!
Cami  =)