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I saw this on Lifehacker's FB feed. It's about adopting "power" poses right before stressful or confrontational situation to alter your own body chemistry to your advantage. Years and years ago, when I sold Mary Kay, one of the things I was taught (and I can still hear in Mary Kay's own Texas-tinged voice) is "Fake it til you make it." This practice, this philosophy, has helped me in more circumstances than I can count. I highly recommend it. Amy Cuddy's TED talk is worth watching, all the way through. Then take two minutes next time you need your best self to shine throught. Thanks for reading!
Cami =)  This is my front yard. At least I think it is. We had about a foot of pretty snow, then another foot of "fat" snow, the really wet, heavy stuff.
School is closed, work is closed, and we're snuggled up in our thankfully warm house. Shoveling the driveway and building snowmen will come later. Be thankful for what you have, no matter what that may be. Thanks for reading! Cami =) What an interesting thought, that we have an inner protected child. From about age eight on, we build armor to protect it, and because of this armor, the inner child never gets a chance to assimilate or grow. At least that's what Ted Hughes wrote.
I think I agree with the inner child part, but what he calls armor is what I think of as maturity, or at the very least coping skills. I also think that our authentic selves may be rooted in our childlike base selves, but it's not so buried as to be "peering through the slits." Not for me anyway. What about you? Read this over on Brainpicker's website (one of my favorite blogs!!!), and tell me what you think? I'll wait here for you. Thanks for reading! Cami =) So far today in my neck of the woods, it has snowed about nine inches, and more is on the way later tonight. Being a native Californian, I don't mind snow, really. Watching it from inside a toasty-warm house is fun. I could do it for hours. But I do get cold just looking at all that cold, damp snow. Are you the same way? Here's something big and hot that will warm you right up (and might make you feel tiny and insignificant as well). Enjoy! Thanks for reading!
Cami =) About five years ago (and with all this white hair), I felt like I finally had enough life experiences (or things I've learned the hard way) to start sharing confidently what I know with others. That's when I started the process of doing talks, writing a book, giving back. That's really what I'm doing, giving back. And in the giving, I gain so much in return. The moment I absolutely LOVE to see is when something I've said resonates, when the lightbulb comes on over someone's head. Pow! They GET it! Soooo happy.
But the main reason I've been so successful so quickly, is with the help of others, either with direct action on my behalf, or simply inspiring me. To those people, I say THANK YOU! My professional mentor, Peleg Top, is on sabbatical until March 25. (*sigh*) I wish I could contact him. To occupy that hole, I have started mentoring, and with any luck they'll mentor me in return (I'm never too old to learn from others). Thank you Katie and Lain for being my mentoring guinea pigs. I have already learned from you both, and am sure I will continue to do so. My goal is to see you both succeed with what you love doing. If you've been mentored, what was something your mentor did with/for you that made all the difference to you? If you are the one mentoring others, what's your pearl of wisdom for me? I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading, Cami =) To go along with my earlier post on teasing, please watch this amazing video, To This Day Project, by Shane Koyczan. Still think that kids should just get over it, or should learn to grow thicker skin?
Thanks for reading, Cami =) Yes, it was just a cold, but DANGIT I felt like slow, lukewarm phlegmy death until yesterday. I am FINALLY feeling better. I apologize to the students I gave talks to on Saturday. Primarily because those were not my best talks; the cold and the medicine took its toll on my energy level, volume, and higher thinking. Secondly, I hope none of you caught my cooties. I used hand sanitizer religiously, I only coughed into my elbow, and I shook no one's hands. And my fingers are crossed. If any of those students still have questions or comments, bring it on! I'm cold-medicine free today and ready for you!!! Thanks for reading, Cami =) 67
 One of my favorite inspirational authors and speakers, Gordon McKenzie, had unique insight into teasing. As do I.
First, Gordon's story, from his book Orbiting the Giant Hairball, which I strongly recommend you buy, then read, then read again. One day, while running a "mandatory fun" kind of workshop, he invited the group of non-artists to "make marks on paper." (Notice he didn't request a drawing? The word "drawing" brings expectations with it.) Then he asked if anyone wanted to share what he or she put on the paper. Finally, one woman agreed. "Without a word, the woman popped out of her chair and, with a bashful eagerness, walked directly to the flip chart at the front of the room. There, on the large newsprint pad, she began cheerfully tracing out what I presumed to be an enlargement of her original drawing. She had not drawn more than three or four lines before one of her co-workers began to tease her about the level of her drawing skill. Others quickly added to the barbs. A rowdy taunting ensued. There was a stunning shift in the woman's energy from one of delighted sharing to a shame-faced defensiveness. After an apologetic explanation of her drawing, she scurried, eyes down, back to her seat." "I felt heartsick." Gordon goes on to explain that he was once an alcoholic, and during his rehabilitation process he learned about the role shaming plays in addictive behavior. "Teasing is a disguised form of shaming," one man said in a group setting. "Bull's eye! One of the long-locked doors in my mind burst open. "For as far back as I could remember, I had always been a frenzied teaser but had never looked at why. Now I knew. I teased to control. Why would I want to control? Because I am afraid. For whatever reason, I have had a long-standing fear of others. One way of dealing with this far was to learn the skill of teasing. I learned it well, eventually walling myself off with a bristling armor of barbed banter designed to blunt the power of those countless people I felt threatened by. My teasing became a weapon intended to push others off balance and thus reduce the sense of menace in my life." Now, my story. Having been teased mercilessly as a kid, I understand his motives to want to get back at those people who seemingly have the power to hurt me. (Pertinent background info: I moved 27 times in my life—no joke. Partially because I was always the new kid, and partially because I hit my growth spurt early and was usually the tallest kid in school up until 7th grade or so, I was completely socially inept. I had absolutely no social skills of any kind. I was the nerd that the nerds picked on.) I understand people tease for many reasons, some of which seem benign. Some people even tease to show affection. At the talk I gave this past Saturday called "Lessons I've Learned," someone pointed out that maybe the people who are teased should just grow thicker skin. Good point. But, which would you rather go through? Having to be teased and getting thicker skin, or having people be more aware of their motivation for teasing and have a more pleasant environment. Why do you tease? I'm sure it's not for the same reason each time. Stop and question yourself the next time you start teasing someone. Ask if yourself if you're really just shaming with a veneer of a joke. Does the other person feel better after you've teased him or her? My advice to you is this: If your teasing doesn't make the other person feel better, STOP. Find another way. Thanks for reading, Cami =) What a lovely, sad, amazing collection of images, all beautifully photographed by Jon Crispin on the Collector's Weekly website, of abandoned suitcases from patients at the Willard asylum. In Jon Crispin's own words: "Initially, my idea was to pair the suitcase photographs with some indication of why these people were in Willard. As the project evolved, I found I wasn’t that interested in such a literal connection. The suitcases themselves tell me everything I want to know about these people. I don’t really care if they were psychotic; I care that this woman did beautiful needlework. I’m much more interested in the objects themselves and what people thought was important to have with them when they were sent away." "One of the last cases I shot was from a guy named Frank who was in the military. His story was particularly sad. He was a black man, and I later found out he was gay. He was eating in a diner and felt that the waiter or waitress disrespected him, and he just went nuts. He completely melted down, smashed some plates, and got arrested. His objects were particularly touching because he had a lot of photo booth pictures of himself and his friends. Frank looks very dapper, and there are all these beautiful women from the ’30s and ’40s in his little photo booth pictures. That really affected me." Frank's suitcase: 
"Dmytre’s suitcase is another that I really like, it’s the last case I did. Dmytre was very moving. He was Ukrainian and clearly brilliant. He had notebooks filled with drawings of sine waves and mathematical things like that. There’s a wedding picture of Dmytre and his wife, and she’s holding a bouquet of fake flowers, which were also in the case. Dmytre's suitcase: 
"Some of the items were amusing, but some made your heart ache, and others made you go, holy shit, what is this about? I was constantly affected by the items, and that’s my goal with photographs." What would I pack in my asylum suitcase? My first thought would be my laptop and my phone. But what if I couldn't take those? I would pack a ton of photos of Kiddos and Husband and Family, paper and drawing supplies (to keep my brain busy), knitting needles and yarn or string (to keep my hands busy), maybe a book or three (but narrowing it down to just three would be so painful), and of course toiletries.
What would you pack? Thanks for reading, Cami =) p.s. Thanks to Laura Hardenbrook for posting a link to here which led me here. After my impromptu quick trip to Omaha, I'm feeling under the weather. Seems I've caught a cold or something. I'm home from work today and feeling like a vegetable.
Which brings up an interesting subject, vegetable. While my status as couch (or in my case, office chair) potato isn't in question, there has been a growing amount of research done regarding whether one who's been declared in a vegetative stage is, in fact, really "in there." Studies on people who have woken up out of a vegetative state after years of unconsciousness! Interesting article on the Wired website. Check it out. I'll just be here coughing and sniffling. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. |
Cami Travis-GrovesGood juju-spreader, speaker, graphic designer. I'd love to hear from you! Archives
June 2014
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