Unfortunately, there are no real-life undos. No command-Z (control-Z for PC users) for "oh shit, did I just do that?!" or "I can't believe I just said that out loud." It would be SO nice if I could. That would be my superpower wish: real-life undos. Multiple ones, too. Once I identified what single decision led to whatever crappy situation I found myself in, I could do 27 undos until I got back to the crossroads, then choose the OTHER path.
I bring this up because of Wednesday. You see, Wednesday I left work early to take Kids to the dentist. In my head, I had my timetable mapped out, scheduled down to the minute. When I needed to be at the high school, when I needed to be at the middle school, and when that would get me to the dentist's office.
But then reality stepped in and reminded me that what's in my head isn't what's out there in the real world.
It was raining. I didn't know it was supposed to rain, didn't notice it in the forecast. Traffic was slow. I got to high school late. I finally found a parking place on the south side of the school and walked up to the office. The woman at the front desk said I had to go to the northeast side of the school. So I walk back to my car, and head there. Meanwhile, Daughter sends me a text asking to be picked up at the east side. East side I go. I park along the curb, and start to text her back to tell her I'm there. A man with the face of a bulldog walks up and tells me I can't park there, that there are busses coming, and that I need to park in the lot. Meanwhile, I can see Daughter coming towards me. I tell Bulldog man that I'm picking up my daughter, and I point to her. (There were no busses waiting for the space I occupied.) He tells me again, gruffly, that I cannot park there, yada yada. I circled around a row of cars, looking for a space to park in with no luck. By that time, Daughter is in the parking lot too, and I am angry, and frustrated. This little interlude has cost me about 10 minutes time I didn't have because of the rain.
Onto the middle school. Son was supposed to be in the front office 10 minutes before I got there. He's nowhere to be found. The ladies in the front office call to his class and have him sent up. Son had left his pass in math class. Son's teacher wouldn't let him go back to that room to get it. I can see Son slowly ambling to the front office; he doesn't see me. He's checking out the girls who are putting up posters. When he finally does see me, and the look on my face, he hustles. Now we're 20 minutes behind the schedule in my head.
Onto the dentist (who, by the way, has torturously uncomfortable straight-back chairs in his waiting room) with a packed waiting room. Son, Daughter and I had to sit separately; an oblivious mother-and-son were taking up the only extra chairs where we could have sat together. You can see how this whole thing just pissed me off, right? Like the perfect storm of tiny, insignificant annoyances.
The icing on the cake? The dentist was running 35 minutes late. My scurrying and worrying were unnecessary.
I told Daughter that I felt like a complete fraud. "Fraud? Wha—why?" she asked.
"Things like this, days like today, ugh!…good juju, my ass!" No good juju was spread by me that afternoon. None. For a self-proclaimed good-juju-spreader, that sucked. Made me feel like a complete fraud.
Talking later with a group of very supportive friends (HOWies), I admitted to such fraudulence. Dearest Crystal reminded me that you can't have the yin without the yang. Thank you Crystal, I really needed to be reminded of that.
Thanks for reading,
p.s. Your good juju today: You aren't just ONE flavor, or just ONE side of a coin. Both yin and yang. Now to scurry less and worry less. =)
Good juju-spreader, storyteller, graphic designer. I'd love to hear from you!